That old familiar shirt

I have seen it happen again and again.  People cling to the past like putting on an old comfy shirt.  It doesn't always look the best, but it feels familiar, so we go back to it time and time again.

We have all experienced hurts in our past, where we felt out of control of what was happening.  We found anger, or a place to hide.  When situations in our present occur, many times we will grab that emotion from our past, like that old familiar shirt.  Even though it isn't the best option, it doesn't feel as scary as the unknown. 

How often have you seen someone strike out at another, with their rage and harsh words?  I know that I have seen it time and time again.  They reach into their past, grab that familiar old feeling, and lash out at those around them.

Why?  Because it is easier to strike out and hurt them before they can hurt us. 

Does it do any good?  Most of the time, it just causes more harm, leading to more situations similar like those first ones that gave rise to those negative emotions. 

It is hard to open yourself up and be vulnerable.  You could get your feelings hurt but hey, don't you think that striking out at those around you is doing that anyway.  In addition to hurting the others, you are separating yourself from those that can help you to overcome the past hurts and live a more positive and free life.

So here is my challenge to you all.  The next time you feel someone is not living up to your expectations, are wronging or hurting you, leave that old familiar shirt in the past.  Take a deep breath and open yourself up to the potential for a more positive outcome.

Communicate in a calmer manner and let the person know that you are hurting.  Don't jump into the rage, or hide away like a victim.  It will take a lot of effort to begin with, but the benefits far outweigh the risks.

If you are on the receiving end of the strike, this may be the time to grab the offender in a great big bear hug and tell them that you know they are hurting and you are here for them.

Imagine how much nicer things would be if we all reached out to each other with love, rather than rage and hate.  I know that I would prefer the former. 

Remember that we have all faced difficult times and situations.  We can be a positive force that will help others to move past the pain and into a much more pleasant place to exist.

Set a good example, follow this more positive path, and others will follow.

Role play idea--handyman

 The only limitation to role playing is your imagination and the willingness of your partner.  Here is a "handyman" scenario.

The handyman knocks on your door.  He is dressed in well fitting jeans and a snug t-shirt.  A tool belt hangs low on his hips, drawing your eyes from the muscles in his upper body.  After slowly checking him out, you escort him inside and show him what needs worked on.

You could play this as he must fix a terrible leak under your sink (or other repair duty).  As he begins to work, you admire the way his muscles flex with each movement as he completes the repairs.  Once he is done, you inform him that you have no cash to pay him.  Now come the negotiations.  What can you do for him to compensate for his handy work? In this scenario, the handyman will be in charge of directing the actions to be taken.

Another option would be that your body, rather than the house, has things that need worked on.  It will be your job to direct him to all the areas that need extra attention and what kind of attention they need. 

Of course you can switch it up, where there is a handy-woman that will be coming to the aid of the "not-so-handy gentleman."

Let your imagination flow and remember to have fun!

over-stimulated and desensitized?

Life today is so busy and there is so much stimulation, many of us have learned to tune things out just to be able to cope with it all.  Computers, cell phones and hectic lives have all played a part in this.  These things are great tools at times, but other times they become one more thing that pulls us from our partners, our own inner peace and the ability to be in the moment.

Try setting aside a bit of time each day where you step away from the technology and the chaos and truly unwind and be in the moment. 

Plan a date with your partner where you will devote a specific amount of time, say 20 minutes at least, where you will focus on stimulation of a pleasant nature.   A sensual massage is a great tool for this exercise.  Spend time using different intensities of pressure, caresses to firm pressure.  Stimulate every part of the body, not just the areas that you commonly gravitate to.  Really focus on what you are feeling and the differences in the kinds of touch.  Take turns giving and receiving, being totally present in that moment. 

Music can be a helpful tool to tune out some of the noise that bombards us.  Instrumental is best due to lack of vocal stimulation.  Listen to the music, let it keep one portion of your brain distracted, so you can notice a bit of nature.

Notice the patterns of color in the bark of the tree.  See how the breeze moves the branches and the leaves.  Watch a bird or butterfly, how they move and float on the air currents. 

These little things are so often missed and they are truly miracles, each and every one.

When we learn to tune into these subtleties, instead of tuning them out, we will automatically put ourselves into the flow of nature and of the universe.  Positive things will begin to flow more into your life when you notice and appreciate all the miracles.

role play idea: Dr. and nurse or Dr. and patient

Some people are blessed with a vibrant imagination.  They are able to come up with all kinds of new and interesting thoughts and ideas on a whim.  Others love a little assistance in the imagination area.  For those that would like a little primer for their imagination, here are a few possibilities for role play.

One partner will play the doctor and the other the nurse, or assistant of some sort, for this example we will use nurse.  Costumes are handy to amp up the play a bit, but if props are not available, you can improvise.  One example would be a clipboard or a notebook could be a patient's chart.

The nurse could come out to inform the doctor what symptoms the next patient is complaining about.  At this point this could play out with either the doctor or the nurse being the initiator.

If the nurse initiates, the nurse could walk up to the doctor, caress the lapels between their fingers, admiring the chest, while teasing the senses and informing the doctor of the patient's needs.  Maybe the nurses needs are more important than the patient's at this point and the nurse pulls the doctor into another room so the doctor can provide much needed aid.

If the doctor is the initiator, perhaps the doctor will overstep the boundary of what is normally considered  appropriate behavior for a superior.  Suggestive comments, "inappropriate touches" and requirements of extra duties in order to maintain employment could be used in this role play.

You could also use this basic idea except with a doctor and a patient.  Maybe the patient doesn't have any money to pay for services to be rendered, but willing to provide a service of their own to compensate.  This could play out as the suggestion coming from either the patient or from the doctor.

Perhaps the patient is not suffering from any illness or pain at all, just looking to connect with an attractive doctor.

Perhaps the recommended treatment for what is ailing the patient is not a pill, but a much more intimate type of medicine.

Let's not forget that either sex can play the role of the doctor in this scenario.  No need to limit yourself to gender based thinking.  

The possibilities are many, from the vanilla side of things to BDSM.  The choice is yours.  These are just a few ideas that may spark a little idea that can be fanned into flames of passion.

There is a multitude of fun costumes that can be worn for role play.  Here are several nurse costume options http://aplaceforpassion.com/sc/Costumes/Nurse

The art of the ask

Some people seem to be born with the ability to ask for what they want.  Others, well they have a harder time asking for things.  I am one of the others and I am working on improving the art of the ask.

It can be something as simple as asking for a little assistance with a task that you are trying to complete.  For me, asking always seemed to be like admitting that I was not good enough or something to accomplish it on my own.  What a crock that story was that I was telling myself.

Asking for assistance or for what you want is not a sign of weakness, it is a sign that you are.  You know those sayings, "two heads are better than one" and "work smarter not harder" well, they have been around a long time for a reason. 


If you would like assistance with a task, rather than running an internal dialogue about how you have to do this by yourself, nobody will offer to help, blah, blah, blah, just speak up.  How are others supposed to know what is going on in your head?  Are they just supposed to "see" that you need assistance?  How silly is that thinking?

When you would like some help, politely ask someone for a little bit of assistance.  You will be a lot happier when you share the responsibility rather than playing the victim and being angry because you had to do it all yourself.  For your own sake, learn the art of the ask.

When you are dealing with an intimate moment, and you are thinking that you would love it if your partner would do something different, ask.  Don't get in the rut of wishing for things to be different but not speaking up about it. 

The key would be in how you ask for what you want.  Doing it in a positive manner is the key.  Don't let it come out like "don't do it like that, I don't like that" but rather something like "a little to the left and slower please, oh yeah, just like that." 

Learning the art of the ask can help to relieve many of the potential irritations or stresses in our lives, each and every day.  Make it a habit to ask, even when you just want a little company to perform a task.

sandpaper hands no more

Ladies, I am sure you all can understand where I am coming from with this topic, and men can appreciate it as well.  When hands are rough, dry and cracked, they are the right texture for scratching a back, but not a good combo for intimacy. Those lovely caresses soon become grating and irritating, not what you are wanting when you are trying to turn your partner on.

My husband works outside and with a lot of water.  He has struggled with with trying to keep the moisture in his hands for a long time.  We have tried tons of lotions, creams and even tried vaseline at night with gloves on, with little or no success. In order to aid in comfort during intimacy, latex or nitrile gloves became a go-to tool.

Finally, I found a solution.  I purchased a lotion made by Earthly Body. http://aplaceforpassion.com/product/Skinny_Dip_Hemp_Seed_Hand_And_Body_Lotion_-_8_oz./0/EB-HS021  (this is the skinny dip scent  which is vanilla/cotton candy scent)

In less than two weeks, the difference in my husband's hands is amazing.  He only applies it once or twice a day and goodbye gloves, hello nice hands.  He still has callouses so he is able to do his work with ease, but they are now smooth and the cracking and bleeding and the roughness is gone.  A caress is actually a caress again rather than abrasion.

I wash my hands often during the day and my hands were looking dry and older than my years.  I was applying lotions 7-10 times a day.  Now I am only applying the Hemp Seed Hand and Body Lotion maybe twice a day and my hands look so much younger and stay soft much longer.

I am so impressed with this product that I just had to share this information with others.  In addition to the benefits in our skin condition, it is a natural, made with hemp seed oil and natural botanicals.   It also comes in a variety of scents.

The cost of this lotion, when compared by usage with the other lotions I have tried, is by far the best value.  I invite you all to try this for yourself and let me know what you think.

Initiating

There are so many levels that are possible to initiating intimacy.  Some people are bold, stating clearly, exactly what they desire.  Some people are extremely subtle, just snuggling up, hugging, or holding hands can be a way to express interest in the possibility.  This can be so subtle that the receiver does not even realize that this is in fact, the person initiating.  When the person who has initiated, in this subtle way, gets less of a response than is desired, this can be seen as a rejection.

The bold partner may be thinking that they are the only one to initiate, even though both people have put in the effort, just in different ways.

It is important to open these lines of communication so the possibility of confusion can be eliminated.

Key phrases can be agreed upon by the couple as a signal that one is interested in the possibility.  These phrases can be about a completely unrelated subject, allowing the couple to have a secret signal that can be used, even in the presence of others. 

This could be a fun way to create anticipation, especially when you are at a public gathering and unable to leave immediately.  (Unless you are brave enough to sneak off to the rest room or other secret location together for a quickie)