That old familiar shirt

I have seen it happen again and again.  People cling to the past like putting on an old comfy shirt.  It doesn't always look the best, but it feels familiar, so we go back to it time and time again.

We have all experienced hurts in our past, where we felt out of control of what was happening.  We found anger, or a place to hide.  When situations in our present occur, many times we will grab that emotion from our past, like that old familiar shirt.  Even though it isn't the best option, it doesn't feel as scary as the unknown. 

How often have you seen someone strike out at another, with their rage and harsh words?  I know that I have seen it time and time again.  They reach into their past, grab that familiar old feeling, and lash out at those around them.

Why?  Because it is easier to strike out and hurt them before they can hurt us. 

Does it do any good?  Most of the time, it just causes more harm, leading to more situations similar like those first ones that gave rise to those negative emotions. 

It is hard to open yourself up and be vulnerable.  You could get your feelings hurt but hey, don't you think that striking out at those around you is doing that anyway.  In addition to hurting the others, you are separating yourself from those that can help you to overcome the past hurts and live a more positive and free life.

So here is my challenge to you all.  The next time you feel someone is not living up to your expectations, are wronging or hurting you, leave that old familiar shirt in the past.  Take a deep breath and open yourself up to the potential for a more positive outcome.

Communicate in a calmer manner and let the person know that you are hurting.  Don't jump into the rage, or hide away like a victim.  It will take a lot of effort to begin with, but the benefits far outweigh the risks.

If you are on the receiving end of the strike, this may be the time to grab the offender in a great big bear hug and tell them that you know they are hurting and you are here for them.

Imagine how much nicer things would be if we all reached out to each other with love, rather than rage and hate.  I know that I would prefer the former. 

Remember that we have all faced difficult times and situations.  We can be a positive force that will help others to move past the pain and into a much more pleasant place to exist.

Set a good example, follow this more positive path, and others will follow.

Role play idea--handyman

 The only limitation to role playing is your imagination and the willingness of your partner.  Here is a "handyman" scenario.

The handyman knocks on your door.  He is dressed in well fitting jeans and a snug t-shirt.  A tool belt hangs low on his hips, drawing your eyes from the muscles in his upper body.  After slowly checking him out, you escort him inside and show him what needs worked on.

You could play this as he must fix a terrible leak under your sink (or other repair duty).  As he begins to work, you admire the way his muscles flex with each movement as he completes the repairs.  Once he is done, you inform him that you have no cash to pay him.  Now come the negotiations.  What can you do for him to compensate for his handy work? In this scenario, the handyman will be in charge of directing the actions to be taken.

Another option would be that your body, rather than the house, has things that need worked on.  It will be your job to direct him to all the areas that need extra attention and what kind of attention they need. 

Of course you can switch it up, where there is a handy-woman that will be coming to the aid of the "not-so-handy gentleman."

Let your imagination flow and remember to have fun!

over-stimulated and desensitized?

Life today is so busy and there is so much stimulation, many of us have learned to tune things out just to be able to cope with it all.  Computers, cell phones and hectic lives have all played a part in this.  These things are great tools at times, but other times they become one more thing that pulls us from our partners, our own inner peace and the ability to be in the moment.

Try setting aside a bit of time each day where you step away from the technology and the chaos and truly unwind and be in the moment. 

Plan a date with your partner where you will devote a specific amount of time, say 20 minutes at least, where you will focus on stimulation of a pleasant nature.   A sensual massage is a great tool for this exercise.  Spend time using different intensities of pressure, caresses to firm pressure.  Stimulate every part of the body, not just the areas that you commonly gravitate to.  Really focus on what you are feeling and the differences in the kinds of touch.  Take turns giving and receiving, being totally present in that moment. 

Music can be a helpful tool to tune out some of the noise that bombards us.  Instrumental is best due to lack of vocal stimulation.  Listen to the music, let it keep one portion of your brain distracted, so you can notice a bit of nature.

Notice the patterns of color in the bark of the tree.  See how the breeze moves the branches and the leaves.  Watch a bird or butterfly, how they move and float on the air currents. 

These little things are so often missed and they are truly miracles, each and every one.

When we learn to tune into these subtleties, instead of tuning them out, we will automatically put ourselves into the flow of nature and of the universe.  Positive things will begin to flow more into your life when you notice and appreciate all the miracles.