Have you ever....?

Have you ever had a moment, when you are frustrated with something your partner did?  How long do you let that moment hang onto you? 

I know that I have been there.  The difference, as I learn and grow, is that now I don't let myself stay in that moment for long at all.  Every moment in our life is precious.  We can't get them back.  I am doing my very best to remind myself of that daily and to treasure all those precious moments.  When I have a moment that is less flattering, I try to find a better outlook on things and find something that makes me feel good. 

The more of these good moments that I find, the easier it is to find them and the more there are to be found. 

Now, instead of watching TV from different chairs, we spend more time snuggled up together while we enjoy our favorite show or movie.  It is amazing to me that I let many, many moments like this slip away without enjoying the intimacy of snuggling up on the couch together like we did when we were first together. We hold hands, share those moments together and make certain that we not only are a loving couple, but behave like a loving couple as well. 

I want my children to grown up seeing what appropriate public displays of affection look like.  I want them to have high expectations of what a marriage should be.   I want them to know how to communicate well and be happy. 

For all these reasons and a thousand more, I find the opportunity to share my love and find all those positive moments and opportunities that I used to let slip on by.

Are you letting them slip by?

Benefits of Sex

So, I have been doing a little bit of research and thought I would share some of my findings.  Here is a list of benefits of sex in marriage;

• Lower mortality rates.
• Reduced risk of prostate cancer.
• Improves posture.
• Boosts self esteem.
• Makes a person feel younger.
• Firms tummy and buttocks.
• Keeps spouses connected emotionally.
• Offers pain-relief.
• Gives people a positive attitude on life.
• Reduced risk of heart disease.
• Makes a person more calm.
• Improves fitness level.
• Makes a person less irritable.
• Reduced depression.
• Improved sense of smell.
• Has a therapeutic effect on immune system.
• Better bladder control.
• Relieves menstrual cramps.
• Helps people sleep better.
• Improves digestion.
• Healthier teeth.
• Helps folks remember more.
• Produces chemicals in the brain to stimulate the growth of new dendrites.
• Lowers the level of cortisol, a hormone that can trigger fatigue and cravings.
• Lowers feelings of insecurity.
• Increases level of commitment.
• Less-frequent colds and flu.
• It can help people achieve weight loss since about 200 calories are burned during 30 minutes of active sex.
• Studies are also showing that it is a myth that abstinence can sharpen a person's competitive edge.

Seeing is believing

Sight is the fifth sense that I would like to explore.  This is part of why I wanted you to create a sanctuary for you and your partner.  Seeing a place that is free of clutter and filled with wonderful textures, scents, flavors and sounds, helps to set the mood. 

Clothing can play into our visual stimulation as well.  Why do you think lingerie is so popular?  Not that you have to choose lingerie, just something that makes you feel good.  Remember that this is not a contest with the latest cover girl, just an opportunity for you to feel sexy.   It could be something as simple as a suit that you feel powerful in, or sexy underwear under your everyday clothes.  Ladies, you may even want to wear your husbands shirt with nothing underneath.  There is a million different things you can do, again, only limited by your imagination. 

Soft lighting, such as candles, is a great way to set the mood.  It also is a more flattering light for those of you who may be a bit more self conscious.

If you have music playing in the background, let your body flow with it.  This is the perfect opportunity to perform a little dance for your partner.  It is up to you how bold you are, whether you just glide around a bit with soft movements (a feather boa would be a great prop) or go for a full on striptease.  This is the perfect opportunity to do a little role playing!!

Take a little time to explore.  Let your eyes wander over your partners body.  Notice the color of their skin, the texture.  Compliment your partner on what pleases you about their body.

Keep it fun and positive and let the moment flow!  Immerse yourself in your senses and enjoy the experience!

Flavor!

Se we have now covered touch, smell and sound, so lets explore taste.  The act of sharing flavors with your partner can be very intimate.  There are many wonderful flavors to explore with each other.

I invite you to arrange for a quite evening for just the couple.  Think about flavors that you enjoy and bring them together for a exciting adventure.  Finger foods are a great way to play with seduction.  Take your time and savor the flavors and the experience.  Feed your partner and notice how they react.  Do they savor the flavor slowly or with great hunger?

If you would like, you can sample flavors from your partners body.  Whipped cream and chocolate syrup are two of the obvious choices, but the options are only limited by your imagination.  What does your favorite drink taste like when drizzled over your partners chest?

There are a lot of flavored oils, creams, gels and powders on the market today.  A little something to cover any preference of flavor.  Coconut oil, that we talked about before, is one flavor that remains in my bedroom.  The range of useful properties that it has, makes it a staple for us.  What other items can be brought into your bedroom to heighten your experience?

My goal here is to bring all of our senses into play with our partner.  Think about the difference of watching a movie on a simple TV without surround sound.  Now think about how a movie sounds in a theater, with all the sounds surrounding you, coming from all directions and making you feel like you are in the movie.  This is the experience I hope to help you bring to your relationship.  A complete experience that excites all your senses and amplifies your passion.

Fun challenge

I encourage you to try this out and see if you experience a difference.  Next time you are intimate with your partner, take a moment while they are caressing or teasing you to just lay back.  What do you feel when you are letting your partner pleasure you?  Now, while your partner is caressing and teasing you, engage yourself, touch them or stroke their hair.  What do you feel now?  Is there a difference in how you feel when you are allowing them to perform all the activity vs. when you are also engaged in passionate play?

I encourage you to share your experiences with us.  You may share anonymously if you would like.  After we receive some comments, I will share my own experiences.  (I don't want to influence anyone else's experience by sharing before you have a chance to try this yourself)

I hear you!

Lets talk about sound and the impact it can have in your bedroom.  We can start with the most basic idea that many will probably come up with, bringing music into our sanctuary.  The type of music that sets the mood will vary with the couple, but music has a strong impact on mood.  Just try a sampling and see what impact it has with you.  How does the music impact the movement of your body?  Does it impact your mood?  This is a great way to help clear your mind of the daily clutter and allow your mind to drift with the music and free you to be in the moment.  Music can also help to block out sounds from outside your intimate setting.  Also useful if you would like to buffer the sounds that you may make from prying little ears, or maybe bigger ears.

Sounds are definitely not limited to music.  The sounds that each of us make, plays a major role in our partnerships.  What we say and how we say it has a profound effect on our partner and how they respond to us.  The same phrase spoken in an intimate whisper will have a much different effect than that phrase shouted across the room.  Want a little dirty talk added to your repertoire?

Remember that intimate situations open us up to a certain level of vulnerability.  Because of this, we should make every effort to keep our communication positive.  "I like how this feels" or "I would like a little faster or slower" are more appropriate than "that isn't doing anything for me" or "are you done yet?"  
 
Words are not the only sounds that can stimulate a little passion.  A sigh, gasp or soft moan can speak volumes to your partner about what brings you pleasure.  Set yourself free and allow yourself to share these intimate sounds with your partner.  It is all up to you whether you softly sigh or shout it from the treetops.  Let instinct guide you a little here.

Oh the aroma

Today I want to focus on your sense of smell.  Take a moment to smell the aromas in your bedroom.  Are they appealing to you?

First off, lets make sure all the less appealing scents are removed.  If you have laundry in your room, for example, take a moment to remove it.  Sweaty socks is not my idea of the most appealing scent for the bedroom. 

We have a wonderful opportunity here to explore some tantalizing scents.  There is a multitude of scented candles out there to choose from.  Aromatic oils, potpourri and incense are also good ways to incorporate scents into our bedroom.   The variety of scented products for the couple has grown immensely.  Powders, creams and erotic oils and gels come in a wide variety, from fruity to chocolate and many, many more.

Please take note of what you and your partner enjoy.  The bedroom is shared so we want the aromas to be enjoyed by both parties involved.

I also want you to consider your own scent for a moment.  Scented bath oils are one way to give yourself a pleasant and soft aroma.  Lets remember that we don't want to overdo a scent here.  Some people are more sensitive to perfumes and such, so lets be sure it is enjoyable for our partner as well.  I would also like to point out that not all aromatics that we use on our body will have a pleasant taste to them as well.  To create the most relaxed situation, try products that not only smell good but taste good as well.

I encourage you to explore the wonderful world of smell.

another great quote

"Only passions, great passions, can elevate the soul to great things."  ~ Denis Diderot

quote for the day

"Never underestimate the power of passion." ~ Eve Sawyer

What is your bedroom?

Is it a place to sleep only?  A place to watch TV?  Is it a sanctuary for the couple to retreat to and enjoy each others company?

I would like to express how important it is for your bedroom be a sanctuary for the couple.  Keeping the spark of passion in our relationship takes a little help.  It isn't something that just happens.  There are many things we can do to create a wonderful place for the couple to retreat away from the complications of daily life and focus on romance, intimacy and exploration of each other.  (if you have children, I do recommend a lock on your door, just in case)

Today I am going to talk about touch.  Think about the textures that make you feel good and sexy.  Fabrics are an easy way to incorporate texture into your sanctuary.  Silk, satin, feathers and furs are all lovely examples of texture.  How many textures are currently in your room?  How many are conducive to romance?

It is time to find some of these wonderful feeling things and bring them into our bedroom for a little adult playtime.  Why should the kids have all the fun? We don't have to spend a lot of money, unless of course you want to.  Just remember that we are focusing on touch and how different things feel. I invite you to close your eyes and spend some time just feeling the things around you.

While you are at it, this gives you a wonderful opportunity to spend some time touching and exploring your partner.  Are you brave enough to take turns blindfolded and exploring your partner, paying close attention to the sensation of touch?

This would be a perfect opportunity to bring the coconut oil that I posted about earlier into play.   Vary your touch as you explore, using soft caresses or a little more firm touch.  Use different parts of your body to experience touch.  Your fingers shouldn't be the only thing getting to experience touch.  Your lips, your nose, and your tongue, just to name a few, let your imagination get away with you a bit here.  How does this make you feel?  How does it make your partner feel?  This gives you a wonderful opportunity to express to your partner how different touches feel, which ones you enjoy and to encourage them to share their experience with you.

quotes for the day

"If sex is such a natural phenomenon, how come there are so many books on how to?"  ~Bette Midler

"Many people think of lovemaking as intercourse but real sexual union, as taught by Kama Sutra and other ancient texts, begins long before penetration."  ~The Modern Kama Sutra by Kamini and Kirk Thomas

Idea for the day

I encourage you to do a little something extra for your partner today.  Just something simple, such as a smile, a kind word, a touch or honest compliment.  See what impact that has on that person and how it effects the rest of the day.  These simple little things have tremendous power.

If you are needing a little assistance with ideas to get you started, here are a few hints.

If you partner is reading a book, slip a little note inside.

If your partner does something that you like, let them know you are grateful for that.

Send your partner a text, letting them know you love them and are thinking about them right at that moment.

If there is a special treat that your partner likes, such as chocolate or maybe a mint, leave one on their pillow or slip some into their lunch with a note letting them know that you appreciate them.

Offer to give your partner a massage, with no strings attached.

Just remember that you don't have to spend a lot, if any, to have a great impact.  Your partner will appreciate that you took the time to do a little something for them.

Fun Prop

I would like to share with you a product to bring into the bedroom.  Organic coconut oil can be purchased in many grocery stores as well as health food stores.  It is often a solid but liquifies at approximately 76 degrees.  It is not just for the kitchen any more.

This is a wonderful tool for the couple.  It has a nice fragrance and pleasant taste, as long as you like coconut.  It makes a great massage oil and a wonderful lubricant.  It is readily absorbed by the skin and being all natural, it is good for you and your body.

Give it a try and let us know what you think of this fun idea.

quote for the day

Passion is universal humanity.  Without it religion, history, romance and art would be useless.  ~Honoré de Balzac

Lovely quote

The spaces between our fingers were created so another's could fill them.

And so it begins.......

I recently got a call from a very close friend.  She has been married for 5 years and the intimacy in her relationship has waned, especially since she has a toddler running around.  She had talked to some of her other married friends, hoping for some advice, and found that they too were in a similar situation. 

Another friend has only been married for a year.  At a time when many are still enjoying the honeymoon phase, she is having complications with her partner. 

Yet another friend has been married 30 years and her children have grown.  She is in a new stage of her relationship, learning to be a couple again without children consuming most of her time.

I decided that while I am helping these friends, I would also like to make myself available to others who may be in similar situations or dealing with other relationship issues.

Even in the happiest of marriages, the passion can sometimes dwindle.  This can impact areas outside of the bedroom. 

The goal we hope to achieve for this blog is a safe haven to express your concerns or difficulties, where you will not be judged.  We hope to provide you with ideas to help rekindle your passions for life and each other. 

Our mind is our greatest sex organ, so be sure to give it the attention it deserves.  We hope you will join us for this journey into the world of passion.